Friday, November 19, 2010

The Power of Yes in Parenting

The Power of Yes in parenting does not mean that you are an overly permissive parent or one who can not set boundaries. Effectively using the power of yes can really be a matter of timing and perspective. Many children hear “no” over and over again; but a “yes” is infinitely more powerful, hopeful, and efficacy building, than a “no.”

For example: when a child asks to go play and you know they have homework or a chore to do, instead of saying “no,” you need to do….. try saying “yes” as soon as you have done …

If it’s something that will require additional skills or maturity, talk with them about what needs to occur in their life before the answer will be “yes” then tell them, when those things have occurred, “yes” they can.

Again, this does not mean that there is a “yes” to everything.

For example to the question, “can I go over to my friend’s and do meth?” The answer is always a resounding “no” with an explanation of the dangers (and perhaps a conversation with law enforcement and/or the friend’s parent if you have reason to believe the friend is in possession of and/or providing meth to others). You will also want to have a discussion of the underlying reasons why s/he wants to go over to a friends to do meth, what alternative appropriate activity might provide the same or similar results (for the underlying appropriate need ie friendship) and a “yes” to the alternative activity. Sometimes the underlying need may require some additional skills, resources and assistance. If you need help, get help. For example: if the underlying need is to feel accepted and have friends. Help your child become involved in more appropriate activities and develop relationships with more appropriate friends. Sometimes this may require some social skill training. Your school counselor or a religious leader may be able to help.

Supplemental Materials:

Just Say Yes: The Power of Positive Parenting

Reed Galin: The Power of 'Yes'

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